To Breed or Not to Breed

That is the question...

I'm of the age whereby quite a few of my friends are either done makin' babies, or are even as I write this implanted with bun in said oven. About twice a month (ovulation and just before my period, go figure), I feel a primal hunger, an aching, to run out and get myself pregnant. It's a strange urge with a deep source, a pang deep down on the instinctual level. Twice a month, I feel like I'm going crazy with the need to make myself an infant. I guess it's that Old Devil Time, playing his tricks with my biological clock.

There are so many reasons not to have a baby. I could go into them in whiny depth, but the bottom line is that I just do not have a lifestyle and the resources that would properly support a child right now. There are many, many reasons not to have babies, the most prominent being that there are just too many fucking people in the world already. I argue myself in circles, but the urge to procreate doesn't go away. It's getting stronger. It won't be denied!

I'm really not sure what to do about this. I've determined that my body isn't likely to get pregnant without some coaxing, so unlike many mamas who become mamas because it just happens, that isn't likely to be my story. If I want a baby in there, I am going to have to work to make it happen.

It seems to me like I'll be missing a world of great experiences either way. Childless, I'll never get to experience what it's like to be a parent. I'll never feel that bond that a mother feels with her baby. But childed, I'll miss out on all the experiences I'm likely to have with more time on my hands and less responsibility.

And if I have to listen to one more completely sleep deprived, poop covered mother tell me that it's "so worth it", I might just heave.